Comforting A Dying Person
Everyone has different needs, of course, but some emotions are nearly universal among the dying. To make those last weeks or months as comfortable and stress-free as possible, here are a few points to keep in mind.
Providing comfort The active phase of dying usually begins several days before death. Signs may include changes in skin color, noisy or irregular breathing, inability to eat and drink, and limited ability to communicate. Although you can't change what's happening to your loved one, you can help him or her feel as comfortable as possible.
Be prepared to listen.
Those who are dying may want to share their fears, discuss their uncertainty about the future and talk about their concerns for those they're leaving behind.
Family members naturally want to protect their loved ones, and sometimes they do this by withholding difficult information - news about lab test results, for example, or practical details about real estate or finances. It's usually better to be forth-right. People who are dying need to retain a sense of control, and this means being included in family discussions.
Death is rarely the primary thing that people fear most later in life. Rather, most people don't want to be a burden on their family, nor do they want to be in pain. Take the time to let the dying person know how much you value him and how grateful you are for the opportunity to spend this last time together.
Settle unfinished business.
Everyone has regrets - things they wish they'd done, old rifts they wish they'd healed, places they wish they'd seen. It's not always possible to fulfill last wishes for a dying person, but sometimes you can. So it's worth asking if there's anything you can do.
Stay attuned to the dying person's needs. Many people don't want others to see them in poor health.
Get help for the things you can't do.
Home hospices can help with medications and bumps in the medical road. A lawyer can help with legal issues, and the funeral director can help with burial planning.
| If your loved one: | Try these comfort measures: |
|---|---|
| Is no longer eating or drinking | Keep your loved one's mouth moist with a sponge. Apply lip balm or petroleum jelly to his or her lips. |
| Has labored breathing | Turn your loved one's head to the side. Place pillows beneath your loved one's head, or try different sitting positions. Ice chips, oxygen and a cool-mist humidifier also may help. Ask your loved one's doctor about medications to ease breathing or to relieve feelings of breathlessness. |
| Has incontinence | Use incontinence pads or a catheter to keep your loved one dry and clean. |
| Has blurred vision | Use soft lights. |
| Can't speak | Talk to your loved one in a soothing voice. Hold his or her hand. |
| Is agitated or confused | Be calm and reassuring. Create a quiet and peaceful atmosphere. Limit the number of people in the room, and repeat their names often. |
| Seems to be in pain | Ask the medical team to adjust your loved one's medication or treatment plan. |
Your loved one also may experience a brief, final surge of energy. Though it can be confusing to see your loved one with renewed vitality, remember that this is a normal part of dying. Take advantage of the opportunity to enjoy him or her and say your final goodbyes.
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